iv successfully inserted

the medical offical came this morning and bought ashton to the treatment room to get the iv done...

i cld hear him crying his lungs out while they try again... i swear i almost died.. lucky this time round they managed to get it right... as i am typing, ashton is taking a nap and the antibiotics is being given to him thru the iv...

poor baby...

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ashton's 1st children's day

is spent at KKH.

he started having slight fever wed evening..fever came go... fed him infant panadol and managed to kept the fever down but still feverish...

rushed him to kkh children emergency on 1am on fri after he puke/ burp out quite a alot of milk and considering he was slping most of thursday....didnt want him to get dehydrated...

initial screening by nurse showed that no more fever.. but cuz have on off fever for 3 days already, got to draw blood and have his urine tested
...

after 4 hrs of waiting for the doc and the lab results, doc advised us to check darling boy in for at least 2 nights as his urine sample have high level of white blood cell which usually suggest urinary tract infection, which causes the on of fever...

my heart felt a sharp pain and ache when the doc told us her diagnosis... i blamed myself tinking that i must have not clean him properly hence resulting his pain... but we asked the doc how it happen and she explain it differently....

even more heart pain is when they try to put in the iv thru the back of his hand for the antibodies shots and not successful..then even heart breaking when they cldnt get it in and have to try on the 2nd day again, all the while enduring the antibodies shot staight in his muscle... his cries really got to me.... i wished i was the one being poked...

they even wanted to poke his pee hole to extract urine sample so that they cld run some culture test to get a confirmed diagnosis its urinary tract infection... but i objected and told them i wld try to catch his urine.... lucky we were able to do it... else i tink i wld die if darling boy cries in pain when they do it on him...

i stayed in the ward with him...he managed to catch quite some slp and feed...

i tink im going to die of heart pain....

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shag....

wanna make this workout regemi work... previous attempts to workout every other day fail due to timing... hope this time round will work...

woke up at 5am to feed ashton.
out of the house by about 530am.
updown the stairs (14 levels) 3 times in 13mins...
do 100 crunches and 50 knee pushups.

if i can keep this up for at least another 3 more times then i can up the frequency of the exercise...

my legs got jelly after the stairs...but sure feels good to sweat it out...

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transition...

trying to get ashton to start drinking fr the bottle, but he does not seem to like it... still prefers to latch on... bought the tommie tippie bottle that is shaped like the human nipple he also not very receptive....

dar say our boy knows what is gd stuff...

latching on do have its pros and cons...
- dont have any bottles to wash
- no need hot water for the milk cuz its always the right temp
- can feed anytime
- strong bond with ashton

but the not so gd are
- when out, always got to find a nursery and feed
- sometimes might not have enough privacy..
- when u are at ur frens of relatives place, got to borrow a room to breastfeed..
- doting grandparents and daddy cant help to bottle feed


hopefully with patience and time, he will be more comfortable with the bottle

was telling dar maybe 2nd child will start to feed bottle with the ebm instead of latching on... but come to thknn about it, kinda unfair ar.... oh well, we shall see what to do when the time comes....

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it aint easy....

have u ever been caught in a situation whereby u dun feel comfortable yet u dun have the guts to say so cuz that person is someone u shld not offend? thinking to urself that it might just go away somehow, but it never did?

oh well it happened to me...
after so many mths of not doing anything about it, i exploded like a chocked pipe...

i know nothing is going to change or will change, all i wanted is for dar to listen to me whine....i rehearsed what i wanted to say for 2 days...but it never really came out exactly... dar understood, explained to me and case (somewhat) closed.

somehow, part of me regreted telling dar... not a gd feeling...

dar's being very sweet. he did something about the situation. he said its still not too late to take action, rather then me explode again n a few mths time... but it now seems that things turned a little awkward...

i guess some things are better left unsaid...

in such situation, i guess if u never made it clear fr the beginning, u got to suck it up and bear with it till the end...

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little ashton is 3 mths old!

ahhh how time flies...my darling boy is 3 mths old already...

he went for his 5-in-1 and pcv shots on monday.. brave boy only cried for a few secs when the nurse poke him...

very happy that he is growing well with just full breastmilk.. hes at the 50th percentile with a healthy weight of just a little over 6kg, is 61cm long and his head is 40.5cm....

he is also making lots of interesting noises and he definitely have a very hearty luff and cute smile... darling boy is also learning to flip and is more receptive when we put him on his tummy for tummy time.. and he can play by himself for 30 mins and longer....

very soon he will learn to crawl, sit, eat solid food and speak! what will be his first words? ill be very sad if he does not call me first...oh well we shall see...

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have been thinking and also discussing with Dar when i shld return to work and i have not been able to make a 100% firm decision.

Part of me wants to go back work come Jan 2012. But part of me want to start only Jan 2013.

Reasons for going back to work:

- want to contribute to the family

- not wanting to loose touch with the society

- dun want to just be confine to home

- wants to be financial independent again

Reasons for not going back to work too early:

- no one to take care of Ashton. Putting him at a infant care at such a young age i feel is a waste of time and money

- my mum still working, not fair to rob her of her freedom and stay home to care for Ashton

- mil would love to take care of Ashton, but she is also busy taking care and cooking for grandpa, plus i do not want her knees to get worse. 

- not wanting to miss Ashton's growing up moments. i want to grow with him

The above comparison should have been more than enough to make a decision, but its not easy.

ohhhhhhhhhh ohhhhhhhhhh.....